i walked in the door, exhausted, threw my backpack on the floor and collapsed in a heap on my bed, not even bothering to take my jacket off or untie my shoes. somewhere in that place between asleep and awake, i heard her pad softly in, jump up and settle down next to me. she promptly closed her eyes and picked up where she left off on her nap. i lay there for a while, staring at her rhythmic breathing, barely making a sound, wondering "how can she be so peaceful? it must be nice, to not have a care in the world, the only decision needing to be made is to even bother chasing that squirrel one more time..." she looked so serene, the only movement was the steady up and down of her golden brown coat, and before i knew it, my eyes too, were becoming heavy...
i heard her come in, there was something different today. she didn't come straight to see me, just fell on the bed. somehow, i knew she was exhausted, so i walked softly in to investigate. i recognized that look on her face, it had been happening a lot lately... her brow was furrowed, there was wet stuff coming out of her eyes and her mouth was downturned. i just knew something was wrong. i jumped up on the bed and gave her a quick lick, letting her know that i was here and everything was going to be okay. i lay there quietly for a few minutes, then took advantage of the opportunity to fall asleep on my mistress' bed. i don't understand her sometimes. why is she so worried? doesn't she know that ultimately everything is under control? maybe if she had gotten to chase that squirrel with me today, she could know what it feels like to run and run, barking out loud just for the sake of being happy. oh i know humans have their own worries, but i think they concentrate on them too hard sometimes. there's just something about spontaneous afternoon naps on your mistress' bed that lets a girl know that everything is going to be okay...
Monday, December 3, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
just an idea
i've come to the realzation as of late that life, as crazy, wonderful, dramatic, or whatever it is, is not just a smooth-sailing walk in the park. what makes life (or mine at least) even interesting is the quirky little ups and downs in the routine day-to-day. like the text message i got from amy that said "just wanted to remind you that i love you..." but then dropping a catch for a point during a frisbee game. or catching all the red lights on the way home from work, but having my favorite song come on the radio as i pull onto my street.
i think a lot of times people get so wrapped up in the big catastrophes that happen in their lives that they're constantly stressed out and trying to live from one big high to the next. what if we all stopped to appreciate those times when you get a good grade on a quiz and just learn to laugh at the times where you wear a pair of shoes that make your feet hurt...
just a thought...
i think a lot of times people get so wrapped up in the big catastrophes that happen in their lives that they're constantly stressed out and trying to live from one big high to the next. what if we all stopped to appreciate those times when you get a good grade on a quiz and just learn to laugh at the times where you wear a pair of shoes that make your feet hurt...
just a thought...
Saturday, August 11, 2007
the drink of the gods:
i read this article this morning and it was all i could do not to shout "Amen!" out loud here at work. if you know me at all, you know my obsession with REAL sweet tea and my never-ending search for the perfect glass...
so for all of you who enjoy the good stuff as much as i do, read on:
I Wish I Lived in a Land of Lipton …What makes Southern sweet tea so special?
By Jeffrey Klineman Posted Wednesday, Aug. 8, 2007, at 1:06 PM ET
Cool and refreshing
"It's rough. It's been rough on that food. It's different eating here than it is at the house. Ain't got no sweet tea, and ain't got no fried chicken."—Boo Weekley, PGA golfer from Milton, Fla., interviewed by the BBC on Day 2 of the British Open, 7/20/2007
You can't blame Boo Weekley for not knowing—before last month, the man had never left North America. And there are some fairly major associations between Great Britain and tea. But poor Weekley had the same awful realization most of us have when we leave Dixie: When you order sweet tea, you probably aren't going to get it. And even if you're lucky enough to find something bearing its name, it's probably not quite the same.
Drinking sweet tea is one of the oldest and most exceptional Southern traditions. As Dolly Parton's character in Steel Magnolias puts it, it's the "house wine of the South"—a clear, orange-to-red tinted tea brewed from six or seven Lipton or Luzianne tea bags, poured hot onto a cup or more of sugar or a pool of simple syrup, and then diluted into a gallon pitcher in the fridge. It's served over a mound of ice in a huge glass—so cold that you can watch your napkin drown in a puddle of condensation.
By "sweet tea," we mean "sweet." As one food technologist told me, some of the sweetest glasses can hit 22 Brix of sugar. That means that 22 percent of the liquid consists of dissolved sugar solids, or, to put it in more meaningful terms: close to twice what you'd find in a can of Coke. Still, there's a balance to the flavor—the tea is brewed long and strong, so it gets an astringency that can only be countered by lots of the sweet stuff.
Southerners, of course, have a taste for sugar that is demonstrably stronger than what you find up North. We like our pecan pie and pralines sweet enough to make the dentist cringe. All of the major soda companies—the Coca-Cola Co., PepsiCo, Dr Pepper—started in the South. Bourbon, that sweetest of whiskies, is from Kentucky. A mint julep, that classic Southern cocktail, is basically a whiskey'd up sweet tea, with mint, ice, simple syrup, and booze.
One chef I spoke with—Scott Peacock, who spent eight years bunking and writing with the Grand Dame of Southern cooking, the late Edna Lewis—suggested that Dixie's taste for sweet may have evolved from the use of sugar as a preservative. Peacock's dad grew up in a small Alabama town where they didn't have much refined sugar. In towns like that, he said, they grew cane, milled it, and put it in jars. People anticipated the crystallization of the cane sugar with great excitement, eager to stir it into their tea.
Sugar worship might account for much of sweet tea's popularity, but I think its appeal lies in the ice. Southerners seem to have a particular fascination with ice. This may stem, most obviously, from the fact that the Southern climate is often steamier than a Rat Pack schvitz. In an early essay about Southern cuisine published by the American Philosophical Society called Hog Meat and Cornpone: Food Habits in the Ante-Bellum South, Sam Hilliard wrote that a container of cool—not even cold—water, pulled from a nearby spring, was a delicacy at the table. Tea was mostly a drink for the upper class, and early on, it was the rich who had access to the ice that came down on ships or in wagons, at least until icehouses were built in cities (Southern farmers had to wait for the arrival of the Model T). If ice was a luxury, then putting out a pitcher of ice-cold tea must have been quite a bit of hospitality. One historian, Joe Gray Taylor, wrote in Eating, Drinking, and Visiting in the South: An Informal History that the rural electrification—and, consequently, refrigeration—wrought by the Tennessee Valley Authority in the 1930s was "probably more appreciated for the ice cubes it provided … than for any of its other services."
Offering up a glass of sweet tea on a hot day in the South is as welcoming a gesture as passing the doobie at a Phish show. It's so ingrained in the Southern DNA—Marion Cabell Tyree included the recipe in a cookbook called Housekeeping in Old Virginia as early as 1879—that people now post videos online of their infants sampling the stuff. It's a frequent menu item for the condemned, as well as a centerpiece at church suppers. As an April Fools' Day prank in 2003, Georgia State Rep. John Noel introduced a bill that would have made it a misdemeanor for a restaurant owner not to include sweet tea on the menu. Most Southerners can easily tell the difference between fresh sweet tea and the stuff from concentrate—and unless their sugar jones is too strong that day, chances are they'll send the latter back.
oh, and just for the record...my perfect glass as of right now is Beacon Drive-In's original...
so for all of you who enjoy the good stuff as much as i do, read on:
I Wish I Lived in a Land of Lipton …What makes Southern sweet tea so special?
By Jeffrey Klineman Posted Wednesday, Aug. 8, 2007, at 1:06 PM ET
Cool and refreshing
"It's rough. It's been rough on that food. It's different eating here than it is at the house. Ain't got no sweet tea, and ain't got no fried chicken."—Boo Weekley, PGA golfer from Milton, Fla., interviewed by the BBC on Day 2 of the British Open, 7/20/2007
You can't blame Boo Weekley for not knowing—before last month, the man had never left North America. And there are some fairly major associations between Great Britain and tea. But poor Weekley had the same awful realization most of us have when we leave Dixie: When you order sweet tea, you probably aren't going to get it. And even if you're lucky enough to find something bearing its name, it's probably not quite the same.
Drinking sweet tea is one of the oldest and most exceptional Southern traditions. As Dolly Parton's character in Steel Magnolias puts it, it's the "house wine of the South"—a clear, orange-to-red tinted tea brewed from six or seven Lipton or Luzianne tea bags, poured hot onto a cup or more of sugar or a pool of simple syrup, and then diluted into a gallon pitcher in the fridge. It's served over a mound of ice in a huge glass—so cold that you can watch your napkin drown in a puddle of condensation.
By "sweet tea," we mean "sweet." As one food technologist told me, some of the sweetest glasses can hit 22 Brix of sugar. That means that 22 percent of the liquid consists of dissolved sugar solids, or, to put it in more meaningful terms: close to twice what you'd find in a can of Coke. Still, there's a balance to the flavor—the tea is brewed long and strong, so it gets an astringency that can only be countered by lots of the sweet stuff.
Southerners, of course, have a taste for sugar that is demonstrably stronger than what you find up North. We like our pecan pie and pralines sweet enough to make the dentist cringe. All of the major soda companies—the Coca-Cola Co., PepsiCo, Dr Pepper—started in the South. Bourbon, that sweetest of whiskies, is from Kentucky. A mint julep, that classic Southern cocktail, is basically a whiskey'd up sweet tea, with mint, ice, simple syrup, and booze.
One chef I spoke with—Scott Peacock, who spent eight years bunking and writing with the Grand Dame of Southern cooking, the late Edna Lewis—suggested that Dixie's taste for sweet may have evolved from the use of sugar as a preservative. Peacock's dad grew up in a small Alabama town where they didn't have much refined sugar. In towns like that, he said, they grew cane, milled it, and put it in jars. People anticipated the crystallization of the cane sugar with great excitement, eager to stir it into their tea.
Sugar worship might account for much of sweet tea's popularity, but I think its appeal lies in the ice. Southerners seem to have a particular fascination with ice. This may stem, most obviously, from the fact that the Southern climate is often steamier than a Rat Pack schvitz. In an early essay about Southern cuisine published by the American Philosophical Society called Hog Meat and Cornpone: Food Habits in the Ante-Bellum South, Sam Hilliard wrote that a container of cool—not even cold—water, pulled from a nearby spring, was a delicacy at the table. Tea was mostly a drink for the upper class, and early on, it was the rich who had access to the ice that came down on ships or in wagons, at least until icehouses were built in cities (Southern farmers had to wait for the arrival of the Model T). If ice was a luxury, then putting out a pitcher of ice-cold tea must have been quite a bit of hospitality. One historian, Joe Gray Taylor, wrote in Eating, Drinking, and Visiting in the South: An Informal History that the rural electrification—and, consequently, refrigeration—wrought by the Tennessee Valley Authority in the 1930s was "probably more appreciated for the ice cubes it provided … than for any of its other services."
Offering up a glass of sweet tea on a hot day in the South is as welcoming a gesture as passing the doobie at a Phish show. It's so ingrained in the Southern DNA—Marion Cabell Tyree included the recipe in a cookbook called Housekeeping in Old Virginia as early as 1879—that people now post videos online of their infants sampling the stuff. It's a frequent menu item for the condemned, as well as a centerpiece at church suppers. As an April Fools' Day prank in 2003, Georgia State Rep. John Noel introduced a bill that would have made it a misdemeanor for a restaurant owner not to include sweet tea on the menu. Most Southerners can easily tell the difference between fresh sweet tea and the stuff from concentrate—and unless their sugar jones is too strong that day, chances are they'll send the latter back.
oh, and just for the record...my perfect glass as of right now is Beacon Drive-In's original...
Monday, July 30, 2007
blessings...
i just want to take a minute and brag on my students at manley. ever since we got back from camp...well, really before that- i've been noticing the beginning of change for a while now... they are really beginning to grasp all that God has called them too. listening to their prayers and watching them worship their Savior really blesses my heart. they are beginning to really have a heart for their lost friends and i really believe they want to see them come to Christ. i gave them a talk last week about keeping away from "spiritual highs and roller coasters" and i think it really made sense to some of them. i have a feeling that they are on the verge of breaking out and really becoming "soul'd out" for Christ.
i had my reservations about staying at home this summer, but it has been awesome being a part of God's work right here and discipling some awesome kids. keep them in your prayers cause God's about to do some awesome things in morristown...
Joshua 3:5-- "Sanctify yourselves today, for tomorrow the LORD will do great works among you."
i had my reservations about staying at home this summer, but it has been awesome being a part of God's work right here and discipling some awesome kids. keep them in your prayers cause God's about to do some awesome things in morristown...
Joshua 3:5-- "Sanctify yourselves today, for tomorrow the LORD will do great works among you."
Sunday, June 10, 2007
miley
so i decided that since i'm going to be a vet, then i better have an animal to practice on... insert miley (pronounced MIGH-lee), my beautiful new baby girl, 100% golden retriever and 100% the best dog ever! she's got this beautiful strawberry-blonde, feather-like fur that feels like down, no lie, and dark brown eyes that a girl could just get lost in.
she's only 6 weeks old, but i swear, she already has this little attitude that lets you know that she's gonna be a mess. her name is hawaiian for "joy" cause she can always make me smile. there are sometimes when we're playing and she just looks up at me and it's like she's reading my mind and then she just smiles. (yes, dogs smile).
being just a baby she sleeps A LOT, but when she's ready, she's gonna be the best running partner in the entire world. i hope she learns to love the trails as much as i do. but for now we're settling for the basics like, "no chewing/biting" and "pee OUTSIDE!" she's so smart, i'm sure she'll get the hang of things in no time at all.
on a totally different note, i'm in training again...this next triathlon is august 11 and i want to beat my time of an hour and 22 minutes. stay tuned for the continuing adventures of laura and miley!
she's only 6 weeks old, but i swear, she already has this little attitude that lets you know that she's gonna be a mess. her name is hawaiian for "joy" cause she can always make me smile. there are sometimes when we're playing and she just looks up at me and it's like she's reading my mind and then she just smiles. (yes, dogs smile).
being just a baby she sleeps A LOT, but when she's ready, she's gonna be the best running partner in the entire world. i hope she learns to love the trails as much as i do. but for now we're settling for the basics like, "no chewing/biting" and "pee OUTSIDE!" she's so smart, i'm sure she'll get the hang of things in no time at all.
on a totally different note, i'm in training again...this next triathlon is august 11 and i want to beat my time of an hour and 22 minutes. stay tuned for the continuing adventures of laura and miley!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
i did it!!!!
okay, so guess what??? I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AS OF MAY 28, I AM NOW CONSIDERED A TRIATHLETE! holy cow, that's so amazing! i was so nervous the night before, i hardly slept at all! rachel and i woke up at 5:30 (!), ate some oatmeal and headed out to the park...man, i was so so scared as we lined up and got ready to jump in the FREEZING COLD pool. i did great on the swim and was feeling so confident coming out of that leg...the on to the bike...(begin scary music now). brent passed me about that point...along with about 50 other people, but that's not what i was focusing on. it was that big ole huge hill that i had to climb!!! i honestly thought about throwing up as i was crawling up that hill, but i made it through. i freaked out a little when the guy in front of me wrecked...who wouldn't??? when i got back, the guy from the tri store was there to check people back in to the transition area, and i'm sure i had the biggest goofy smile on my face, just proud that the hard part was over. i took off running, having the time of my life. it was so encouraging; people i didn't even know were cheering me on, wanting me to perform at my best!!! the last part of the run was straight uphill and i was sure i was gonna cave except that i could hear everybody at the finish line around the corner...and my friend brad above it all yellin' "you better get here soon!" so i dug in for that last little part and finished in...well, i'm not sure of my time yet, it's not posted, but it was less than an hour and a half!!!!!!!! woo hoo goal met!!! i was so tired, i didn't even want to eat... but holy cow it was so much fun!!! training starts next week for the one in august!!! goal is an hour fifteen!!!
Monday, May 14, 2007
triathlon update 5/14/07
swim: 1/2 mile (800 meters) i'm pretty confident with that...
bike: 10 miles!!! i did it!!!
run: 5 miles!!! all at once!!!
last carbonated beverage: over 6 weeks ago
holy cow it's almost here!!! two weeks from today!!! it's gone so well these past few days. i think i experienced a little runner's high the first time i ran my 5 miles...about half way through i got this kick of energy and i really felt like i could have kept on running just fine. the first time i biked my whole 10 miles i almost started laughing out loud cause my A.D.D. kicked in around mile 8. i got so bored looking at the pavement and the road ahead that seemed to never change. even having some music wasn't cuttin it. today i actually did a "brick" of back to back events so i could start seeing how that would feel. let me tell you my legs felt like rubber when i first started running and then after the first mile they just went numb. total milage moved was over 14 miles!!! dang girl! and to add to everything else, i'm eating healthy and dropping poundage like crazy! always a plus! i'm actually starting to look forward to my workouts now and i'm gonna keep pushing really hard this week. next week i'm gonna let up quite a bit and give my legs a good rest before the big day! rachel and i are having a sleepover the night before the race (such girls :D) and her momma's promised a huge pasta dinner. i'm really starting to get pumped; this time in two weeks i'll be considered a triathlete!!! stay tuned for more updates!
bike: 10 miles!!! i did it!!!
run: 5 miles!!! all at once!!!
last carbonated beverage: over 6 weeks ago
holy cow it's almost here!!! two weeks from today!!! it's gone so well these past few days. i think i experienced a little runner's high the first time i ran my 5 miles...about half way through i got this kick of energy and i really felt like i could have kept on running just fine. the first time i biked my whole 10 miles i almost started laughing out loud cause my A.D.D. kicked in around mile 8. i got so bored looking at the pavement and the road ahead that seemed to never change. even having some music wasn't cuttin it. today i actually did a "brick" of back to back events so i could start seeing how that would feel. let me tell you my legs felt like rubber when i first started running and then after the first mile they just went numb. total milage moved was over 14 miles!!! dang girl! and to add to everything else, i'm eating healthy and dropping poundage like crazy! always a plus! i'm actually starting to look forward to my workouts now and i'm gonna keep pushing really hard this week. next week i'm gonna let up quite a bit and give my legs a good rest before the big day! rachel and i are having a sleepover the night before the race (such girls :D) and her momma's promised a huge pasta dinner. i'm really starting to get pumped; this time in two weeks i'll be considered a triathlete!!! stay tuned for more updates!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
frisbee
so there's this sport that i've discovered since coming to college. and personally, i think it's the best in the entire world. as soon as i decided on my school, my brother put me into "training" saying, "you're not going to go down there and not know how to throw a frisbee." and i've never looked back. i remember my first game of ultimate and i took a time out to stand there and think "holy cow, this is more fun than any human being should have." i remember lacing up my cleats for the first game out on the field. or the first time i caught a hammer in the endzone for the winning point. the first time we got to play in the football stadium underneath the lights. the first time i won an intramural t-shirt thanks to the game. the first time i completely laid out for a catch at the tournament--frisbee brought me all these great memories. and great friends. my team and i are thicker than theives and some of my closest friends.
one of the best feelings is being all muddy and scratched up after a game. i feel like i've actually worked hard when i'm bleeding or grass stained. there's just something about this game that makes my whole day better. disc golf, tossing with friends, and especially ultimate, they all put me in the best of moods. i could play ultimate all day, all night, barefoot or with my cleats and jersey, on the beach or at the gymnastics center; i love that game. where else can you find a sport that requires the endurance and agility of soccer, the toughness of football, the defensive skills of basketball, and the heart of a lion??? girls are as equal as guys out there and are usually the surprise scorers. even when we lose a game, it's not like i really lost, cause i got to play, and for me, that's enough. or when the game is "over" but we still keep playing because we just can't get enough. like the time we started a game mid afternoon and just kept playing til it was too dark to see, not even keeping score anymore, just playing the game.
possibly one of the best days ever was the tournament we had early this spring. we spent eight hours on the field doing what we all love...running as hard as we can up and down a field chasing a 175 gram piece of plastic. we didn't even win the tournament, but laying in bed that night, too exhausted to move with a sunburn on my face was one of the best feelings in the entire world. it really makes me sad that the season's over cause that means i'll have to wait until september to be reunited on that grassy field with my cleats digging in, diving for that catch.
Monday, April 23, 2007
triathlon update 4/23/07
just a quick update on how the training is going:
the race is may 28 in alcoa, tn. i've gotten to the point where i can do my swim and run back to back, so that's a step! the bike is in the "shop" (aka brent's house) with a busted tube right now, so as soon as that gets fixed (and not with duct tape!) i'll be on the road again. keep me and my knees in your prayers! they're holding up so far, just a little sore after a long day. we're almost at the 30 day point, so i'm starting to get really excited!!!
run: 3 miles (5 kilometers)
swim: 1/2 mile (800 meters)
bike: 6 miles (10 kilometers)...still...gotta work on that
transition time: still havent' practiced that one...kinda
worried about it.
last carbonated drink: 4.5 weeks ago (not really a tri requirement,
but i'm still proud of that one)
the race is may 28 in alcoa, tn. i've gotten to the point where i can do my swim and run back to back, so that's a step! the bike is in the "shop" (aka brent's house) with a busted tube right now, so as soon as that gets fixed (and not with duct tape!) i'll be on the road again. keep me and my knees in your prayers! they're holding up so far, just a little sore after a long day. we're almost at the 30 day point, so i'm starting to get really excited!!!
Monday, April 16, 2007
and you thought i was random then...
you know, it's a good thing that the Psalmist always jumped around a lot...one minute he was praising the LORD, exlaiming how awesome He is, and in the next chapter, he wonders why he feels like God has abandoned him...
boy do i know how he feels. earlier this week, i was so stressed out cause i couldn't see God at work and directing my future...but i kept persisting and crying out to my Savior, and you know what? it's been pretty darn amazing. i'm still not 100 percent sure about my future; i mean, who really is? but i'm okay with that. i can see my next step, and for now, that's good enough. elizabeth elliot once said "always do the next thing." so that's what i'm doing...first my zoo practical, then finals, then summer, one step at a time.
so i really just wanted to give an update and praise the LORD for this sense of peace and contentment.
by the way, we won our frisbee game today, 11-0, but lost soccer 0-1. guess that pretty much sums up this roller coaster ride.
boy do i know how he feels. earlier this week, i was so stressed out cause i couldn't see God at work and directing my future...but i kept persisting and crying out to my Savior, and you know what? it's been pretty darn amazing. i'm still not 100 percent sure about my future; i mean, who really is? but i'm okay with that. i can see my next step, and for now, that's good enough. elizabeth elliot once said "always do the next thing." so that's what i'm doing...first my zoo practical, then finals, then summer, one step at a time.
so i really just wanted to give an update and praise the LORD for this sense of peace and contentment.
by the way, we won our frisbee game today, 11-0, but lost soccer 0-1. guess that pretty much sums up this roller coaster ride.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
since when do i have to be a grown up?
man, i hate having to be a grown up. it was so much easier when the hardest decision i had to make was what i wanted to go with my peanut butter sandwich or what game to play at recess. the future seemed so far away, it was okay to have just vague dreams. now i know there's no question that i'm possibly the world's most indecisive person, but why is it that every time there comes a point for me to make a decision about my future, i turn into a wimp?? no, seriously, i almost have a panic attack each time i think about what i'm going to do for the rest of my life, or for right now, even next year... why does decision making have to be so hard, anyways? i know my God is not a God of confusion and He doesn't want to see me struggle with indecision, but i feel so lost all the time. why can't i have the faith of abraham, who was content with just knowing that he was supposed to go...not all the details were there, but he still went. and ruth too...she followed her mother-in-law without question and that led her to amazing blessings. it seems so unfair that both these guys had such great faith to not question the road they were traveling.
i think that's what i'm scared of the most--missing out on an amazing blessing from God. now i know that He is going to work through me no matter what i do and He will receive glory through it all, but i want God's best for me, His very best and i want to be a part of the work that He is doing. it's okay to have that kind of faith, blind and trusting, but what happens when the time comes to make a decision and you're still unsure??? i can say, Oh i'm trusting God, but the time will come when i have to fill out an application and as far as i know, God still hasn't said anything...then what??? it's so frustrating...and then i get frustrated at myself for being frustrated and having this crisis of faith and NOT being so trusting. good grief, it's like a never-ending cycle. i think there are times when i'm so jealous of those who are called to the ministry or the mission field, because at least they know what they will be doing.
God and i made a deal a while back, that is if you can make deals with God, and i told Him that i would keep going forward until He said stop...but how do i know when He's saying stop? i can't analyze every situation and every little event in my life and try to read it as a "sign." when i was little, i used to ask God to make it snow if He was saying "yes" to a particular prayer of mine. man, how i wish He still spoke through burning bushes or handwritings on the wall...
i know that i need to be in the Word to hear my God speak, i mean, that IS God speaking, but i'm pretty sure i'm not going to find it scripted out saying "Laura, you need to major in this, marry this man, and do this for the rest of your life...." but then again, where's the adventure in that?
so right now i'm praying Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." and i'll be praying that all night until i make my decisions in the morning.
i think that's what i'm scared of the most--missing out on an amazing blessing from God. now i know that He is going to work through me no matter what i do and He will receive glory through it all, but i want God's best for me, His very best and i want to be a part of the work that He is doing. it's okay to have that kind of faith, blind and trusting, but what happens when the time comes to make a decision and you're still unsure??? i can say, Oh i'm trusting God, but the time will come when i have to fill out an application and as far as i know, God still hasn't said anything...then what??? it's so frustrating...and then i get frustrated at myself for being frustrated and having this crisis of faith and NOT being so trusting. good grief, it's like a never-ending cycle. i think there are times when i'm so jealous of those who are called to the ministry or the mission field, because at least they know what they will be doing.
God and i made a deal a while back, that is if you can make deals with God, and i told Him that i would keep going forward until He said stop...but how do i know when He's saying stop? i can't analyze every situation and every little event in my life and try to read it as a "sign." when i was little, i used to ask God to make it snow if He was saying "yes" to a particular prayer of mine. man, how i wish He still spoke through burning bushes or handwritings on the wall...
i know that i need to be in the Word to hear my God speak, i mean, that IS God speaking, but i'm pretty sure i'm not going to find it scripted out saying "Laura, you need to major in this, marry this man, and do this for the rest of your life...." but then again, where's the adventure in that?
so right now i'm praying Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." and i'll be praying that all night until i make my decisions in the morning.
Friday, March 30, 2007
a milestone in my life
holy cow, what a day! wait, let me back up a few years and tell a story first:
when i was 16 i went mountain biking at a local park. 2 hours later i was taking my first ambulence ride to the nearest hospital where i would spend the next 3 days while they put my knee back together...2 surguries, 84 stitches, and a 7 inch scar later, after 2 months on crutches and 6 weeks of physical therapy, i was walking again...and vowing that i would never EVER ride a bike again...
so fast forward almost exactly 3 years later... i had a long talk with my dad and i decided to start training for a triathlon. i thought i would put off the biking part as long as possible...a certain someone had a different idea however. so today after i went and picked out tires to convert my mountain bike into an okay road bike, my buddy brent told me that "that day is today." at first i was like, NO WAY! there was no way i was ready to ride yet...but that's why brent's my coach...he doesn't take excuses like that. so while brent was taking a warm up ride, i had a long conversation with myself and this bike of mine...it was like a showdown at noon in the OK Corral. could i really trust this thing again? i know you're thinking i'm crazy cause i was sittin there having a conversation with an inanimate object, but this was a huge thing for me... so i got on the bike and sat a while...it felt okay...then i started walking around with it and then i just took a huge deep breath and let go...it was like i was 7 all over again, just learning how to ride for the first time... and there i was, learning the true meaning of the expression "just like riding a bike..."
first milestone covered...i could handle the flat parking lot pretty well...so when brent got back, i had no choice but to follow him out onto the road...tentative at first, then doing pretty well... then we came to the first hill...up no problem, my knees were burning a little, but hey, i just got released from the doctor from another knee injury (later story) yesterday...then the huge leap of faith--the first downhill--needless to say, i rode my brakes all the way and crawled down that hill as slow as i could...no good, you can't do well in a triathlon that way (as i was told). so we came to our last downhill...and i was told to not use my brakes all the way down. and can i just say that this was no baby hill! it was huge, across railroad tracks, onto a major road... i was super scared, but determined to make it, so i just pushed off and let go...how amazing it felt to feel that wind in my face and know that i had finally conquered that ghost that's been haunting me for 3 years...
all in all we rode about 5 miles...10 short of where i need to be by august, but it was a start! a huge breakthrough...i really feel like i can do anything right about now! if you're thinking right about now "girl, you're crazy...it's just a bike!" well, then that's your perrogative, but i feel like a free woman right about now!!! praise the LORD!
when i was 16 i went mountain biking at a local park. 2 hours later i was taking my first ambulence ride to the nearest hospital where i would spend the next 3 days while they put my knee back together...2 surguries, 84 stitches, and a 7 inch scar later, after 2 months on crutches and 6 weeks of physical therapy, i was walking again...and vowing that i would never EVER ride a bike again...
so fast forward almost exactly 3 years later... i had a long talk with my dad and i decided to start training for a triathlon. i thought i would put off the biking part as long as possible...a certain someone had a different idea however. so today after i went and picked out tires to convert my mountain bike into an okay road bike, my buddy brent told me that "that day is today." at first i was like, NO WAY! there was no way i was ready to ride yet...but that's why brent's my coach...he doesn't take excuses like that. so while brent was taking a warm up ride, i had a long conversation with myself and this bike of mine...it was like a showdown at noon in the OK Corral. could i really trust this thing again? i know you're thinking i'm crazy cause i was sittin there having a conversation with an inanimate object, but this was a huge thing for me... so i got on the bike and sat a while...it felt okay...then i started walking around with it and then i just took a huge deep breath and let go...it was like i was 7 all over again, just learning how to ride for the first time... and there i was, learning the true meaning of the expression "just like riding a bike..."
first milestone covered...i could handle the flat parking lot pretty well...so when brent got back, i had no choice but to follow him out onto the road...tentative at first, then doing pretty well... then we came to the first hill...up no problem, my knees were burning a little, but hey, i just got released from the doctor from another knee injury (later story) yesterday...then the huge leap of faith--the first downhill--needless to say, i rode my brakes all the way and crawled down that hill as slow as i could...no good, you can't do well in a triathlon that way (as i was told). so we came to our last downhill...and i was told to not use my brakes all the way down. and can i just say that this was no baby hill! it was huge, across railroad tracks, onto a major road... i was super scared, but determined to make it, so i just pushed off and let go...how amazing it felt to feel that wind in my face and know that i had finally conquered that ghost that's been haunting me for 3 years...
all in all we rode about 5 miles...10 short of where i need to be by august, but it was a start! a huge breakthrough...i really feel like i can do anything right about now! if you're thinking right about now "girl, you're crazy...it's just a bike!" well, then that's your perrogative, but i feel like a free woman right about now!!! praise the LORD!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
i think i'm going crazy
so just for the record, it's 1:47 am and i'm awake...this is a pretty big thing considering i'm a college student that's usually in bed by 12:30...and i'm not even really tired...for some reason i can't sleep and for some reason my eyes are leaking...not really crying. i don't even have a real good reason to cry and i'm not one of thos emotional girls that cry just for the sake of crying...it's like my inside is just full so the most natural place to release all this just happens to be through my eyes...i'm not especially sad or happy...just wondering what i'm doing awake at 1:49 am...
on a totally different note, i'm in the middle of reading right now that has actually made me think. it is this kind of crazy book zen and the art of motorcycle maitenance... a combination of this old guy's narrative about a cross country bike trip and his thoughts on philosophy and other stuff...really introspective and not what i normally read, but it's pretty interesting. so i was laying outside in the grass reading this book *an appropriate place, i thought, to read such a book* and i just stopped and watched the world go by for a while. not really watching the clouds, looking for shapes like i did when i was a kid, but just looking...and as i kept staring i was certain that if i looked hard enough, i could see right through the clouds and the atmosphere and see the stars on the other side that are out there in the cosmos. and if i was really still for long enough i could almost feel the earth tilting on its axis and feel myself spinning along...almost made me physically dizzy. and if i really concentrated hard enough, not only could i smell the rain about to come in on the clouds, but smell the blue of the sky, the richness of the earth, smell the green of the grass... and be a part of the whole world that is just waiting to bust out of its skin into spring time. it was such a macrocosmic feeling....
but who knows? i'm pretty sure i'm going crazy...i mean, it's 2:05 AM and i'm still lying here and i'm still not sleepy, but that feeling of being swept away and totally out of myself is something i've been trying to get back ever since...
on a totally different note, i'm in the middle of reading right now that has actually made me think. it is this kind of crazy book zen and the art of motorcycle maitenance... a combination of this old guy's narrative about a cross country bike trip and his thoughts on philosophy and other stuff...really introspective and not what i normally read, but it's pretty interesting. so i was laying outside in the grass reading this book *an appropriate place, i thought, to read such a book* and i just stopped and watched the world go by for a while. not really watching the clouds, looking for shapes like i did when i was a kid, but just looking...and as i kept staring i was certain that if i looked hard enough, i could see right through the clouds and the atmosphere and see the stars on the other side that are out there in the cosmos. and if i was really still for long enough i could almost feel the earth tilting on its axis and feel myself spinning along...almost made me physically dizzy. and if i really concentrated hard enough, not only could i smell the rain about to come in on the clouds, but smell the blue of the sky, the richness of the earth, smell the green of the grass... and be a part of the whole world that is just waiting to bust out of its skin into spring time. it was such a macrocosmic feeling....
but who knows? i'm pretty sure i'm going crazy...i mean, it's 2:05 AM and i'm still lying here and i'm still not sleepy, but that feeling of being swept away and totally out of myself is something i've been trying to get back ever since...
Saturday, March 10, 2007
I'M IN LOVE!
so i actually wrote this earlier, but it still applies....
He loves me!
He knows everything about me, he knows my favorite color, favorite flower, favorite foods. He knows how much I love gummy bears- the ones that come in the gold package - and yellow gatorade. He paints pictures for me every morning and makes sure that i see them everyday. He always has my favorite flowers ready on no occasions at all. He pursued me passionately until i said "yes" and surrendered to his love. I never doubt his love for me. He wakes me up gently when i fall asleep in his arms. He wrote me the longest love letter in the entire world and I read it everyday. He's the last person i talk to before i go to sleep and the first one i think of when i wake up. When i fall asleep when i'm with him, he just holds me and sings over me. He loves my friends too--major bonus points!! He tells me all the time how much he loves me and how much he wants to be with me. Whenever i've had a crappy day, he knows exactly what to do to make me feel better. When i ask him to do something, he always does what is in my best interest. We pray together and share in those intimate moments of worship together. Sometimes, when we're together, neither of us say a word, we just sit in silence and are amazed in our love. He laughs at me all the time, but always in the kindest way. He is always at every sports game i'm in and he's my biggest fan. Sometimes i treat him like crap, but he just wraps me up in his arms and tells me he loves me anyways. I am so amazingly in love with him and want to spend forever with him!!! He's absolutely perfect! He's the most understanding, most passionate, most sincere, most amazing being ever!!!
AND I LOVE HIM BACK!
THIS IS MY JESUS! My God, My Savior, is this passionately in love with me. He's the only one who can love me like this! He wants to be my everything and won't stop loving me ever ever!!!
He loves me!
He knows everything about me, he knows my favorite color, favorite flower, favorite foods. He knows how much I love gummy bears- the ones that come in the gold package - and yellow gatorade. He paints pictures for me every morning and makes sure that i see them everyday. He always has my favorite flowers ready on no occasions at all. He pursued me passionately until i said "yes" and surrendered to his love. I never doubt his love for me. He wakes me up gently when i fall asleep in his arms. He wrote me the longest love letter in the entire world and I read it everyday. He's the last person i talk to before i go to sleep and the first one i think of when i wake up. When i fall asleep when i'm with him, he just holds me and sings over me. He loves my friends too--major bonus points!! He tells me all the time how much he loves me and how much he wants to be with me. Whenever i've had a crappy day, he knows exactly what to do to make me feel better. When i ask him to do something, he always does what is in my best interest. We pray together and share in those intimate moments of worship together. Sometimes, when we're together, neither of us say a word, we just sit in silence and are amazed in our love. He laughs at me all the time, but always in the kindest way. He is always at every sports game i'm in and he's my biggest fan. Sometimes i treat him like crap, but he just wraps me up in his arms and tells me he loves me anyways. I am so amazingly in love with him and want to spend forever with him!!! He's absolutely perfect! He's the most understanding, most passionate, most sincere, most amazing being ever!!!
AND I LOVE HIM BACK!
THIS IS MY JESUS! My God, My Savior, is this passionately in love with me. He's the only one who can love me like this! He wants to be my everything and won't stop loving me ever ever!!!
happily ever after?
so i drove back home from atlanta today and that gave me a while to think...which in my case may be a dangerous thing when operating a vehicle :) but i digress...
i was thinking about the movie i had watched the night before. your typical girlie movie, that my sister promptly commented on as soon as the credits rolled, "aww, they lived happily ever after!" and my first thought in response surprised me. "you don't know that for sure..." my next thought that followed was, "when did i become so cynical?" i distinctly remember a time when i was 6 watching aladdin and jasmine fly into the sunset and sighing knowing that they would live "happily ever after." experience has shown me, however that just because that's where the story ends doesn't mean that it was bliss from there on out...and i guess that's part of growing up, but when did i become a grown up??? what happened to my childlike faith in fairy tales and a prince charming of my very own? surely there was a turning point in my past years that happily ever after just stopped applying to situations. and personally, i don't think i like it too much, to be perfectly honest. i think childlike faith in our "happily ever afters" is an important thing to have...it's one of those things that gives us hope when life is going crappy.
so, i'm not sure what to do with this cynicism...i mean, i've just realized this after all...but i'd like to get back to the place where my imagination is free to well...imagine...another "happily ever after."
i was thinking about the movie i had watched the night before. your typical girlie movie, that my sister promptly commented on as soon as the credits rolled, "aww, they lived happily ever after!" and my first thought in response surprised me. "you don't know that for sure..." my next thought that followed was, "when did i become so cynical?" i distinctly remember a time when i was 6 watching aladdin and jasmine fly into the sunset and sighing knowing that they would live "happily ever after." experience has shown me, however that just because that's where the story ends doesn't mean that it was bliss from there on out...and i guess that's part of growing up, but when did i become a grown up??? what happened to my childlike faith in fairy tales and a prince charming of my very own? surely there was a turning point in my past years that happily ever after just stopped applying to situations. and personally, i don't think i like it too much, to be perfectly honest. i think childlike faith in our "happily ever afters" is an important thing to have...it's one of those things that gives us hope when life is going crappy.
so, i'm not sure what to do with this cynicism...i mean, i've just realized this after all...but i'd like to get back to the place where my imagination is free to well...imagine...another "happily ever after."
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